I think I am finally back from my Floridian vacation that began almost a month ago… thanks to all of y’all who waiting patiently for your boy Phill Most to get back to the bloggin’ grind and kept checkin’ back here to see if anything new was brewing yet. Well, at long last I’m ready to once again hit you with a regular dosage of THAT REAL SCHITT, so I appreciate your patience and hopefully you will dig the new / old stuff I have in store for your asses.
Now, then… about my week in Orlando, Florida (aka the city that Disney built). I will probably never get any endorsement deals with Disney after this post but sheeeeeit… i wasn’t gonna get no damn endorsement deals from those mouse eared muthaf**kas anyway. Basically, Disney World sucks and I’ll tell you why. Actually there are probably a HUNDRED reasons why Disney World sucks, but I’ll just very briefly go over the ones that made my vacation an ordeal. And these reasons aren’t like some clever little secrets that I and I alone figured out… everybody knows this schitt, yet they keep coming back for more.
First of all, the idea is that the kids love all these exciting rides and all this crap. Yeah, I guess they do to some point. But they DON’T like waiting in all these long ass boring ass lines for hours waiting to get on a ride that lasts for 5 minutes! It got to the point that my kids started crying when we tried to take them on this ride or that ride, they just wanted to go to the little playground areas that are scattered around the park and run around and get splashed by the water squirting out of the ground. By FAR the most fun that my youngins had during this trip was their time in those playground areas and just swimming in the pool at the condo we rented for the week. Other than that and maybe a couple of the really cool rides and events, Disney World wasn’t all that big of a deal for them. The food sucks (although I would like to get one of them big ass turkey legs again). It was HELL-HOT. Everything was EXXXXXPENSIVE as f**k (and boy, do they have their selling game on lock- you gotta see it to understand the not-so subliminal seduction going on). And worst of all… man, there’s just too damn much schitt to try to be covering it all. Walking walking walking walking walking walking walking… damn! By the end of some days, I honestly felt like I was near death, like a nomad lost in the desert trying to find that oasis. Damn near draggin’ my kids back to the rental car ‘cuz they are just pooped the f**k out. Are we having fun yet? Sheeeeeeit. Next summer’s vacation is gonna be at the local playground and the YMCA- the kids will have just as much if not more fun and I will save thousands of dollars. I don’t think my left hip will EVER be right again after all that walking. Thanks a lot Walt Disney.
By the way, this was actually my THIRD trip to Disney World within the last 15 years, so I guess I’m just another one of those clueless schmucks who keeps coming back for more (it was never my idea to go to this god-forsaken place, though). By far this was the most physically taxing, so I guess it’s true- I really AM getting old.
PS: I know some of y’all are looking at the pic above with me in front of the Universal globe (we went there, too) and you’re thinkin’… damn, ain’t that the same schitt Phill was wearing in the PHILL MOST LOVE JAPAN post? Just a coincidence, that’s all. I DO have other clothes… I’m no Kanye West, though. Here’s a couple of other vacation pics with me and the babies just to prove it. Regular real schitt posts begin again starting tomorrow… thanks again for waiting it out.