WALT DISNEY F**KED MY HIP UP

I think I am finally back from my Floridian vacation that began almost a month ago… thanks to all of y’all who waiting patiently for your boy Phill Most to get back to the bloggin’ grind and kept checkin’ back here to see if anything new was brewing yet. Well, at long last I’m ready to once again hit you with a regular dosage of THAT REAL SCHITT, so I appreciate your patience and hopefully you will dig the new / old stuff I have in store for your asses.

Now, then… about my week in Orlando, Florida (aka the city that Disney built). I will probably never get any endorsement deals with Disney after this post but sheeeeeit… i wasn’t gonna get no damn endorsement deals from those mouse eared muthaf**kas anyway. Basically, Disney World sucks and I’ll tell you why. Actually there are probably a HUNDRED reasons why Disney World sucks, but I’ll just very briefly go over the ones that made my vacation an ordeal. And these reasons aren’t like some clever little secrets that I and I alone figured out… everybody knows this schitt, yet they keep coming back for more.
First of all, the idea is that the kids love all these exciting rides and all this crap. Yeah, I guess they do to some point. But they DON’T like waiting in all these long ass boring ass lines for hours waiting to get on a ride that lasts for 5 minutes! It got to the point that my kids started crying when we tried to take them on this ride or that ride, they just wanted to go to the little playground areas that are scattered around the park and run around and get splashed by the water squirting out of the ground. By FAR the most fun that my youngins had during this trip was their time in those playground areas and just swimming in the pool at the condo we rented for the week. Other than that and maybe a couple of the really cool rides and events, Disney World wasn’t all that big of a deal for them. The food sucks (although I would like to get one of them big ass turkey legs again). It was HELL-HOT. Everything was EXXXXXPENSIVE as f**k (and boy, do they have their selling game on lock- you gotta see it to understand the not-so subliminal seduction going on). And worst of all… man, there’s just too damn much schitt to try to be covering it all. Walking walking walking walking walking walking walking… damn! By the end of some days, I honestly felt like I was near death, like a nomad lost in the desert trying to find that oasis. Damn near draggin’ my kids back to the rental car ‘cuz they are just pooped the f**k out. Are we having fun yet? Sheeeeeeit. Next summer’s vacation is gonna be at the local playground and the YMCA- the kids will have just as much if not more fun and I will save thousands of dollars. I don’t think my left hip will EVER be right again after all that walking. Thanks a lot Walt Disney.
By the way, this was actually my THIRD trip to Disney World within the last 15 years, so I guess I’m just another one of those clueless schmucks who keeps coming back for more (it was never my idea to go to this god-forsaken place, though). By far this was the most physically taxing, so I guess it’s true- I really AM getting old.

PS: I know some of y’all are looking at the pic above with me in front of the Universal globe (we went there, too) and you’re thinkin’… damn, ain’t that the same schitt Phill was wearing in the PHILL MOST LOVE JAPAN post? Just a coincidence, that’s all. I DO have other clothes… I’m no Kanye West, though. Here’s a couple of other vacation pics with me and the babies just to prove it. Regular real schitt posts begin again starting tomorrow… thanks again for waiting it out.
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11 Comments

  1. Hahaha! I have a picture of myself at Disney thirty-some odd years ago, hot and tired and cranky, standing next to Goofy and crying. Maybe the park is designed to traumatize? Anyway, welcome back, survivor.

  2. Yo.I remember back in the early 80’s they had that game show called “just like mom” and the prize at the end of the game was always that big trip to DISNEY WORLD. And the kids who wouldn’t win would be hella upset and it showed w/ every episode. (some bawled their eyes out right on TV when they didn’t win) Thats one thing i don’t even regret anymore is not going to disney world as a kid. I feel ya tho Phill.. the novelty wears off a LOT when you are an adult. We have a canadian version of disney world up in Canada (by Toronto) It’s called “wonderland”… (i haven’t been there since 1984 so i don’t know if it’s still there?) even though it’s only 1/8th of what disney world is, it’s so isolated that when you are there, everything is so damn expensive and you gotta go 15 miles from the location before food is affordable again. It’s definately a trap. But hey, your kids are obviously gonna look back at that someday and appreciate it. that counts more than anything. welcome back soulman. take care of that hip, yo. -Jorun

  3. that is a funny post. i don’t have kids, but if i ever get the chance, I am taking your advice and taking them to camp!RB

  4. what up Jorun… what’s the deal? damn, i still gotta send you that track i did with your beat… i thought i had an MP3 of it but if I do I can’t find it on my harddrive… so I’m gonna have to find the cd that it’s on. i’m real unorganized right now, man! hope all is well with you, cousin

  5. dont waste you money stay away from disney from disney from disney world.imessed up my legs walking around disney world.

  6. So thats what you spend your WELFARE CHECKS ON. HOM MANY BABIES MOMMAS GET THEM. FUCK ASSHOLE

  7. I've been to Disneyland loads of times with my family, as for a while we had annual passes, and I've been to Disney World twice, and just recently moved to Orlando. I always get to ride every ride that I want to and have never ONCE waited in line more than 15 minutes in a huge line. A few definitions that should help you if you ever visit Disney World:

    FastPass: Most of the big E ticket attractions have FastPass: which is a system that lets you scan your park ticket, and get a FastPass that allows you to not wait in line and go have fun in the park, and come back to the ride at the time on the ticket. Between the time you get the ticket, and the time you come back, you can do a low line attraction, have lunch, or do something else. Works for almost every E ticket attraction.

    Single rider: You get a pass at the front entrance of the ride, and then either go through the exit, or a special line, and get on almost immediately to the ride. If you don't mind splitting your party and meeting them at the exit, it works really well, especially for rides like the mountains, Dinosaur, Test Track, The Tower Of Terror, and the Rockin Roller Coaster.

    It's not a big deal: Okay, If there's a ride with a huge line that isn't very high on your priorities list, you don't have to do it.

    Start with the back of the park: This almost always works. Crowds start at the front, so you should start at the back.

    15-20 minutes or less. If the line is anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes, the line is almost never that long. If it's 15, 20, or even 30 minutes, it's usually never that long. If it's a few minutes longer, you can do it, but after 35, you should get a FastPass.

    OFFSEASON!!: Lots of people go during the summer. Go right at the end of summer. It's a lot better to book in offseason when it's not as busy. Also, go during the week from Monday Thru Friday.

  8. so you hurt your hip, and your investment will be cashing in soon.

    My verification word is “SUPRIB”, NOW THAT IS FUNNY.

  9. Hmmm… for some reason racists seem to love my Walt Disney post… why is that, racists? I left the first one up because it was funny and fully illustrated the natural dumbness of the racist mind, but I had to delete this last one because it had the dumbness factor but totally lacked in humor. The moral of the story: if you're going to be a racist dumbass (oxymoron, I know) at LEAST be funny with your racist dumbassedness. I'm happy either way… just knowing that people like myself piss you off and make you unhappy is enough to make my day every time. I love you!

  10. I am standing at Disney World right now waiting in line for some bullschitt ride and Googling “Disney World sucks” to keep entertained. My feet hurt, my stomach is full of garbage food, my kid isn't even having fun. I hate this place. Fuck you, Walt Disney.

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