Yep, it’s NFL Football (the american version of football… you know, with the brown ball) time again…. don’t know how many people who are reading THAT REAL SCHITT can help me with this, but if there are any pissed off Eagles fans out there who want to sell their season tickets, I will buy them. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can do biz. Hey, I love dogs too, but season tickets are season tickets.
A GREAT video, for those who have not already peeped this elsewhere. Jake One does it again. Sir Mixalot steals the show at the intro, doesn’t he? Very nice (since the Seahawks will again be awful this season, this is something that Seattle can actually be proud of… LOLOL). What up Jake!
This is not going to taste very good, i fear. This crow that’s been put on my platter to eat for supper… I’m not going to like this. Can somebody pass the Lawry’s at least please? Some salsa or chipotle perhaps? F–k it, I’ll eat the schitt raw. Congratulations, Cardinals… the better team won. Holy d–ksnots, the Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl. I think that’s even more amazing than a brotha going to the White House. For this one I must drop the following classic-
Tomorrow my beloved Philadelphia Eagles will invade University Of Phoenix Stadium to lay a colossal whuppin’ on the Arizona Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game and propel themselves into the Super Bowl (where they will then proceed to pop open another huge motor oil-sized can of azz whup on whoever represents the AFC, probably the Pittsburgh Steelers but it could be the B-More Ravens instead… who cares? They’re all just cannon fodder). In honor of this inevitable happening, I am dropping a couple of different mixes of Public Enemy‘s “By The Time I Get To Arizona” and also some of my favorite versions of the classic “By The Time I Get To Phoenix”. You’ve had a nice run, Redbirds, but it’s time to return to the reality that you and your miserable fans have been living like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day” for the last 70 years or so. The reality of FAIL. Enjoy the music, and I’ll enjoy the victory cigar tomorrow night.
BTW, the PE song is so appropriate seeing that the day after the Eagles’ victory will be the King Holiday AND the day after that will be the inauguration of my president, Barack Obama. Two things I must add- one, on Monday, to celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King (and to just be a good person) I advise everyone out there who can do it to participate in a Day Of Service and volunteer your time somewhere in your community for a few hours. And two, to all the folks going to D.C. on Tuesday to get your revelry on, please keep it civil and wonderful and all that schitt. No drunken line dancing in the streets, please. This is gonna be a cool next few days.
BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX-
Mighty Doug Haynes
The Gaylads (pause)
(special thanks to Willie Fugal, Reynaldo and my pals at Soulstrut for song suggestions)
Sorry, Giants fans, but the NFC divisional playoffs are over and the Eagles just kicked your azzes. Arizona is next (Arizona? Arizona??? Oh, hell to tha naw, the Cardinals ain’t got a chance of stopping us from going to Tampa). I’ll get into this more after Kurt Warner gets sent fishin’, I just wanted to do a little bit of gloating at Giants fans’ expense.
Now, I’m sure many if not most of you who are coming to this site have no interest in good ol’ American NFL football and have no idea what I am talking about. That’s okay- for you I will just drop a rare classic old school Philly Hip Hop record, this one being the first Schoolly D record, “Gangster Boogie” b/w “Maniac” from 1984. This is the ORIGINAL original pressing, not the reissue 12″ with the yellow label that somebody pressed up after Schoolly School made it with “P.S.K.” and all that (if I remember right that re had all kinds of synths and keys and schitt dubbed on top… not THAT REAL SCHITT).
I did have a scan of the OG 12″ label but, alas, it was one of the many casualties of the infamous external hard drive disaster that went down ’bout a year ago. Couldn’t find a scan online (EDIT: actually I did find it courtesy of one of the great people over at the DWG forum and you can now see it here as was my original intention), so instead just look at the above picture of living legend Brian Dawkins, hear his words echo in your head (DOMINATION! SNOT BUBBLES! CRAZY EYES!), and, if you’re a Giants’ fan, begin to weep.
Most of y’all who are here reading this blog probably are not all that interested in NFL football (as in AMERICAN football, not to be confused with the sport with the guys running around in shorts kicking a round white ball all over the place that’s probably the most popular sport everywhere in the world EXCEPT America). Well, I am an avid NFL fan and during this time of year football pretty much dominates almost everything in my universe. So I’m gonna briefly cover what’s going on in the league hopefully on a weekly basis for the duration of the season. Any football fans out there please join me in my NFL fanaticism, leave comments, rep your squad, whuteva… those who are not interested just chill until I drop the next Cold Crush tape or break mix (i’ll keep you fed, don’t worry).
Views on the season so far- AFC: the Patriots would be hard to beat even if they DIDN’T have tape recordings of the signals of all 31 other teams. With the signals they STEAMROLL everybody. Bob Sanders is a beast for the Colts. Matt Schaub is the real deal and Houston might be pretty damn good this year. Mike Tomlin is gonna be a really good coach in the NFL. Norv Turner never will be. The Bengals will be fun to watch this year, but they will not be a factor in January. Denver… I’m just not buying. There is something about Vince Young and that Titans team… they shouldn’t be very good, but they might actually be a playoff team this season. I think Steve McNair is finished. NFC: Right now I like the Cowboys over everybody in the NFC. What the hell happened to the Saints??? I gave Rex Grossman the benefit of the doubt, but he didn’t deserve it- he really does suck. 49er fans are getting happy… don’t. Not yet. Same with Lions and Cardinals fans (although now that it looks like Arizona has a decent O-line I think they could do some things). The Eagles are not a good team, but Brian Westbrook is a great talent. He’s being wasted in Philly. McNabb is hurt and shouldn’t even be playing. My ass is tired of Andy Reid’s tired ass. Adrian Peterson (the one who plays for the Vikings) is gonna be a MONSTER. Green Bay plays in a hella weak NFC so they’ll win some games but they still aren’t a good team. Overall the league stinks right now. I’ll be back watching next Sunday, though.